LIFE HAPPENS - STATUS UPDATE

Life Happens

Status Update

February 22, 2020

Let me begin with an acknowledgment it’s been far too long. I will endeavor to explain.

The year 2019 proved to be a very taxing year, physically and financially. It limited the time for writing, which I know has cost me momentum and possibly a larger readership. Be that as it may, I have encountered a health set-back which has negated my ability to work outside the home, at lease for the foreseeable future. It hasn’t affected my hands yet, though in time it most likely will, making typing impossible.

I won’t go into details, for two reasons.

1) I’ve been misdiagnosed for two conditions which were not pleasant experiences, let alone inexpensive.

2) It’s still something I am coming to terms with. There is little disagreement among the doctors and neurologists something is drastically wrong with my physiology. They have been unable to come up with a cause for the symptoms and are in the process of ruling out several somewhat common diseases. I have been informed it’s not: psychological and it isn’t cancer ( as far as they can see.)

There are several possibilities yet to be determined. The most significant candidates are MS, diabetes, “White Matter Disease”,  an internal Lupus flare up. The last neurologist diagnosed the condition as possibly Ataxia.

The medical doctors have already determined I have polyneuropathy, AKA peripheral neuropathy, vertigo and extensive muscle weakness coupled with motor-skills and swallowing. Sadly, it appears my dancing days are over. I love to dance and will miss it for a time.

It has also rendered me incapable of working due to trips and falling, coupled with the fact I need one or two canes to be mobile. 

On the bright side, I’m getting more writing time, which should make one young lady in California happier – though I still write too slow. I also have time to do more woodcarving, staff making and painting, something I wandered away from 50 years ago.

I’m still on target for an April 15^th release, so save me a couple of your tax dollars.

I have revamped the cover for Family Matters to better connect it to the first in the series, Evolution of a Killer. All future books in the series will be linked by title as well.

Time to get to writing. I just wanted to update the few of you who actually take the time to read my blog.

It is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely

Robert U.

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Impeachment - Not a time for Celebration

     As most Americans, who are  least peripheral participants in our election process, we are aware December 18, 2019 marks the day the House of Representatives voted to impeach President Trump for Abuse of Power and Obstruction of Congress.
     While I have made little attempt to disguise my displeasure with the President; his angry rhetoric of fear, his verbal attacks on anyone who opposes him; the petty name-calling of dedicated public servants and war heroes such as Senator McCain, the embracing of Vladimir Putin, Kim yon Un, and the Turkish President who has committed to destroying the Kurdish people, his abandonment of our Kurdish allies, promising to bring our soldiers home - only to re-task them with protecting Syrian oil and not the lives of our allies, the abdication of U.S installations to the Russian forces, his over 15,000 lies, misleading statements and the perpetuation of Russian propaganda, the solicitation of foreign governments, Russia and Ukraine to interfere in our electoral process...
     The most objective pattern of behavior is the President's blatant disregard for the checks and balances of the Constitution and his ignorance and unwillingness to defend it. Rather, he shreds it with executive orders. His so-called rallies are nothing more than campaign stops for which the taxpayers are paying millions of dollars. Above that, is the
number of his closest supporters former associates and appointees who have been convicted around him. Our nation is riddled with departments of the government with no congressional approved leadership. Many offices remain empty because Trump claims he doesn't need them - he can do a better job.
     I won't get into his trade wars and economic sanctions with have crippled many small business and driven hundreds of American Farmers into bankruptcy, loss of their farms and even the taking of their own lives.
     For all those reasons, I support the impeachment. And, for all those reasons I find no justifiable reason to celebrate the historic event. The Senate has pretty much guaranteed many will not be impartial or treat it as a trial; his acquittal, already announced by the top Republican in the Senate.
     And, for all those reasons I find no satisfaction or happiness in the impeachment of Donald J. Trump. It should never have to come to this point. It is, or should be, an embarrassment to American citizens, Democratic and Republican alike.
     I, for one, will not celebrate or take pleasure in the impeachment. I will make my voice heard on election day. Republicans who refused to be impartial and proved incapable of defending our Republic by ignoring the facts, I will campaign and vote for their opposition. For the first time in my life, I will actively support the Democratic Candidate for President - whoever it is for one simple reason. The Republican party has become nothing more than a cult of personality - built around a insecure narcissist, racist and hateful human being by the name of Donald J. Trump.

Peeling Back Layers to find Truth

My wife and I recently passed our 11th anniversary, virtually unnoticed. Not even a card between us. Hadn't even talked about it until today. She has no reason for not mentioning it, other than she probably forgot because we had some bad weather. I have no excuse. Never crossed my mind. 

Our journey together began November 11, 2007. Our friendship stretches back another 10 years. November 27th was our 11th anniversary, and as noted above - it wasn't. 

This is the truth of our life together - Kim has had a profound effect on me in many ways. She has cultivated a love for animals and a desire to save the injured we come across. She has taught me the true meanings of patience, perseverance and forgiveness. In her I learned what it means to be accepted as I am. She has never tried to change me, rather she encourages me to be more of what I already am.

When I first fell in love with Kim, I made this vow: "My life for your love." And I do owe her my life now. What most don't know is the toll it took on her when the doctors told us I had early-onset Alzheimer's.

I am the only one who knows the devastating criticism, insults, emotional and verbal abuse my wife endured at the hands of her mother while we were in Montana. Kim was there for her step-dad, Bob - not for her mother. When Bob passed away her mother sold the company Bob had wanted us to take over - bankrupting us in the end.

If that wasn't enough, Kim went to Wisconsin for months to look after her birth father, Bill while cancer took his life, one day at a time.Shortly after burying him, we lost our home in Texas to Hurricane Harvey. We were fortunate to have her dad's home to move to, and she is steadily making her marks.

I let Kim down. That's the hard truth, the cold hard truth. I wasn't listening. I didn't realize the price she was paying, the toll on her mind, body and spirit. While dealing with my psychopathy, she bore the loss of her step-dad, the betrayal and anger of her mother, followed by the loss of Bill - months spent by his side as the cancer claimed his body. She was with him, holding his hand when he breathed his last. Then the hurricane. I was in Texas salvaging what I could while she mourned.

I don't know if I could have handled it better. It took years for the doctors and psychologist to restore some semblance of hope. Enough that I no longer wanted to die. It's only been this year that I actually began to want to live just a bit longer. And that is because I have so much to make up for, at least in my mind. Kim has never blamed me, been angry at me, wished she'd never married me - she still has hope for me - hope I don't quite share.

I have spent a lifetime hiding the truth, or omitting parts of the truth to avoid being labeled. It was a waste of time.

There is far more of me in my character, Lazarus Solaris who I write about in my novels, then anyone but Kim and my psychologist would ever believe. I'm not a 'good person'. I've done many good things, all in an effort to make amends for the life I chose to live; the pain I caused so many; and my purposeful isolation from my family and my children.

Kim saved me when I thought I was saving her. I wasn't. I was slowly tearing her down. I don't any more. There's a lot I don't or won't do anymore.

My life for her love. In time, my promise will become self-fulfilling.

I love her. I always will. She is why I get up every day and decide to live, no matter how deep the depression or the weight of my past. I live because of her love. Not God's - not anyone or anything else can stay my hand.

I am not worthy. I know it, but it doesn't stop me. I can only hope we have 11 more years together, even if she never mentions our anniversary again.

A Matter of Honor

This is NOT a political issue to be. It is a matter of Honor. 

It is abhorrent to me, as it should be for all Americans to watch Trump turn his back on the Kurds who died alongside our troops.

What the President has done to the Kurdish people is a disgrace to my country, my flag, my service in the military, to me personally, to our Allies - but none more than to the Kurdish men and women who gave their lives fighting ISIS alongside American troops. They are the reason we were able to get to the heart of the Caliphate. Now, they are being slaughtered and displaced by Turkish forces - primarily Turkish backed Arab militias.

What Trump did was virtually give the Turks the green light to Genocide and the taking of Syrian territory to use for settlements. He has stated more than once, "If the Turks go too far," he will destroy their economy with sanctions.

Apparently launching a full-scale military invasion of a sovereign nation, (it doesn't matter it happens to be Syria) with expressed intent of "cleansing the land of all terrorists" - then populating the stolen land with their own settlements and approved citizens isn't "going to far." 

Tens, if not hundreds of thousands of our Kurdish Allies are already being driven from their homes, while many of their friends and families are dying from the Turkish onslaught. 

Soon, the tens of thousands of ISIS members and their families will be escaping from the detention camps. How? The majority of the Kurdish guards have gone north to meet the invasion by Turkey.

Impeachment, if it happens, won't be enough for the man who abandons our Allies, shreds our constitution, invites our enemies to participate in influencing our political process and has the moral compass of a pit viper. Trump hasn't done one thing to improve America as an Entire Nation, not even for many who voted for him. The farmers are suffering. The coal miners are not getting new jobs. Mexico isn't paying for a wall. His trade war has hit every American citizen in the wallet. He made promises he couldn't keep, and blames his failures on others. He spreads baseless lies on debunked conspiracy theories. He profits financially from his personal investments at the expense of the American Tax-payer. 

Donald Trump doesn't have an inkling of what Americans who aren't rich deal with. He gave permanent tax cuts to the Corporations and temporary to the people. Members of his own Party have spoken out against him, only to be assaulted in the Media by Trump and his lackeys. The MINORITY of Americans who support him need to wake up!  Trump's only concern is Trump's personal agendas..

Trump has been surrounded by advisors, appointees, supporters and friends who are being arrested, charged and convicted of crimes. Those people are a reflection of the personality at the center of their focus - Trump.

He hasn't made America greater - he has brought shame and disgrace to her. He has disgraced his oath and the office he holds. President or not, he is a despicable human being - corrupt and immoral; showing contempt for our constitution, checks and balances and the rule of law. 

Please, spare me your partisan rhetoric. This isn't about politics. If you think it is? You have eyes that cannot see and ears that cannot hear.

Late-Life Endeavor

Greetings friends and followers,

I want to personally thank every reader who downloaded Memoirs of the not-so Grim Reaper during my promotion. I was rewarded with a number 1 ranking on Amazon for the promo in its genre – Religious Graphic Novels.

My books have now been read in the following countries I know of:

U.S.A. – Canada – England – Ireland – Scotland – France – Portugal – Spain – Germany – Russia – South Africa – Kenya – Australia – New Zealand – Japan – India – Brazil – The Bahamas – Puerto Rico and Mexico. (No, I never imagined this in my wildest dreams. I was hoping to at least sell 500 copies. I’ve done more than a thousand in one day, and over 500 twice).

I embarked on my attempt at a writing career at the tender young age of 62 in 2016 with a collection of poetry; not an easy task, and one which was a literary disaster. I lost a couple thousand dollars on that venture but learned some very valuable lessons. Those lessons gave birth to “Phantom Scorpio Productions”, my very own little publishing enterprise. And yes, I have been approached by others to publish their books. I’m simply not there yet.

I’ve had more jobs than I can count in my lifetime; often working two at a time and for 4 years I held down 3 jobs – two full and one part-time. I have dreamed of being an author since my dad introduced me to Tarzan and by proxy, Edgar Rice Burroughs.

So, here I am at 65 with two poetry collections, a very unorthodox memoir and two novels in a series about an international assassin and philanthropist who redefines the meaning of love and loyalty to me. Not too shabby…

I do believe I am a decent writer and I don't believe, as of yet, to have penned a literary turd as it were – subject, of course to the contrary opinions of some readers who slaughtered Memoirs in their reviews. What I did not anticipate was a writer is as good as his readers believe him to be. It’s gratifying, humbling and stressful all at once. My writing has been compared on more than one occasion to James Patterson, Ted Dekker, Lee Cobb and his “Jack Reacher”. One reader called Memoirs brilliant. Another called it a waste of time. It’s the polarizing effect Memoirs seems to have – which is good. It was part of my plan.

Evolution of a Killer has received all 5-star ratings on Amazon, though not many. It’s doing very well with the GoodReads nation at a 4+ rating. I don’t take the negative reviews very seriously as they have nothing to do with my writing – only the content and only with Memoirs, which makes me happy. I wrote it knowing some would choose to take offense and they have. Makes me happy to see the negative comments since it is a large portion of my motivation for writing it.

I don’t know how many Lazarus Chronicles I have in me, so I am working on the third. You will know when I run out of ideas – Lazarus will die. I never foresaw a happy ending for my killer companion when I created him/me.

Thank you, reader for taking time from your life to allow me to share some of myself with you. It truly is an honor and a privilege. I’d heard writers and actors say that in the past; now I understand what they meant.

“One Witness; A Lazarus Solaris Thriller” has been on the back burner for several months as life has happened again and again. Please don’t give up on me. I haven’t quit – it isn’t in me.

Happy Reading – write some author a nice review today.

Robert Ullrich

rmullrich@phantomscorpioproductions.com

https://phantomscorpioproductions.com