Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Life’s Little Surprises
















There is nothing novel in saying life is full of surprises. In fact, life would totally suck without them.
Kim and I are getting settled into Central Wisconsin. I should say, Kim is as I am far from settled. It has a lot to do with Hurricane Harvey and what I left behind. Kim is encouraging me to take a trip down there this fall to see how far they’ve come in a year. I might.
To be honest, I’m about to give up this blogging thing. I keep hearing how important it is to a writer to have a good blog. It takes a lot of time to keep one up, time I could be spending writing, rather than “blogging”. The word itself is absurd. Blogging? WTF?
Okay, it’s settled. This is my last blog and then I am shutting this mother down. One last chance to catch me off-guard; saying whatever crosses my mind. I am officially taking the filters off –
First: Trump is, in my opinion, the worst president of my lifetime. Why, you may ask. I guess it’s the fact he’s a racist, misogynistic, school-yard bully with a vocabulary to match, among other things. He isn’t paranoid; he just thinks he’s above the law. Okay, he’s paranoid. His foreign policies are a joke. He calls North Koreas Kim “Little Rocket Man”. Where are we; the 5th grade?
I generally keep my peace when it comes to politics. I’m a Libertarian/Independent/Fiscal Conservative. John Noonan, a friend once told me I missed my generation. I would have been a Bull Moose with Teddy Roosevelt. I may very well have.
When President Obama was elected, I walked into a lumber yard in Altoona, Iowa to touch base with their sales staff. This was one of several locations of my best customer, volume and people wise, with the exception of Altoona and one significant asshole in Marion. He made a comment about my wife at a retirement party for the outgoing manager that about got me sent to jail. The only reason I didn’t was I walked away. (FYI – he’s on my bucket list.)
I walked in to the Altoona yard to hear the following. “Yeah, some of my friends down in Florida are already getting their rifles sited to take out the nigger president.” I walked away. I had to. One thing I have always hated about sales was the “no religion, no politics” requirements of the position.  Not if you are like me, anyway, and have a family to feed. (He’s on my bucket list, too.)
Speaking of bucket lists; I am kidding about those two. They aren’t worth the cost of a steel-cased 9mm round. I am however, putting one together at the behest of my wife. No, I won’t discuss why. Don’t ask.
There isn’t much to put on it. I have lived quite an interesting, if not sometimes unusual life. To many, I have lived outside the acceptable social boundaries. I have. I don’t apologize. I have never EVER been an innocent bystander in life. Have I made choices with negative consequences, fuck yes I have. Do I regret them – fuck no. Choices are just that; choices. Some work out quite well while others leave you flat on your face.
I can’t regret the choices I’ve made because they brought me to where I am today. They helped shape me as well, for better or worse, a very subjective evaluation. I was talking to Kim about it two days ago, Memorial Day, actually. I had gone to get a fishing license and ended up in one of THOSE lines at the checkout.
The cashier was a bubbly older woman – late fifties – early sixties, and she had one of those voices that can make nails on a chalkboard sound like Mozart. The gentleman two ahead couldn’t figure out his ATM card. She nursed him through it. However, it was very busy and I could feel the tension building around me; eyes rolling, heads shaking, shoulder shrugging and people bolting to other lines.
She got him out. The next one didn’t go any better; she was out of fives and he was pissed about getting 10 ones. The guy behind me, who looked like the sort of guy who’d be real comfortable with a motorcycle chain for an accoutrement, was getting down right edgy; muttering to himself.
Now, it’s my turn; just in time for a money drop and some fives. It takes a couple of minutes. The cashier gets things squared away and turns to me and apologizes. There are tears in the corner of her eyes. “I’m so very, very sorry you had to wait sir.” She said to me, to which I replied. “Take your time, sweetie, I’ll be just fine. I didn’t make it through three hurricanes to keel over dead in a Fleet-Farm checkout line.”
The guy behind me started shaking his head, and then he laughed. The two guys behind him and the cashier started laughing, too.
That’s what I do. That’s very much a part of who I am. Most of my life I was a “mediator” of sorts. If you don’t think sales qualify, you’re an idiot. I also spent 7 years as head of security in various nightclubs in Dallas and Ft. Worth. I know, skinny ole me as head of the bouncers. Not one fight ever broke out when I was the first one in; ever. No matter how bad they wanted to fight, I talked them out of it. I reasoned with drunks, and if that failed, I threatened their lives. Hey, I’m skinny and hate to fight, but I am quite respectable with a handgun at 25 yards and deadly at 10 feet.
I’m done mediating. It cost me too much. I stood by in Montana and let my mother-in-law beat my wife’s spirit into the ground. I tried to “mediate” to keep the peace when I should have stood up for Kim and whatever the cost. That, my friends, is as close to regret as I have. In spite of her mother, Kim was able to give her step-dad 6 months of love before he passed. Something her mother was unable or unwilling to give.
Now, about that bucket list; yes, I am working on one and I will be embarking on fulfillment of said list later this year. I have lived on borrowed time since January 6, 1992 when I survived a suicide attempt. I have lived on borrowed time since the specialists at Iowa City determined I had Lupus.
Since November 11, 2007 all I have ever wanted was one another day; one more day with Kim. I think I got that covered in spades.
Live, laugh, love; give peace to those who seek it; solace to those who need it; justice to those that deserve it; truth is truth.

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Robert Ullrich

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